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A New Way to Heal Your Own Trauma Through Self-Parenting: Audiobook Now Available

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My toxic girly thoughts told me I should just put this information on my website and not make a big deal about it. After all, isn’t this boasting? Then my resilience kicked in and said, “You worked hard to write this book—so shout about it!”

What’s All the Fuss About?

My most recent book on trauma, Healing Trauma Through Self-Parenting: The Codependency Connection, was released in 2012, and I just learned it is now available as an audiobook. Healing Trauma was truly inspired by my patients and workshop attendees who often lamented that they were “getting worse” as they delved into trauma literature because they couldn’t navigate their responses—their triggers.

Healing Trauma was my response. It is a pivotal book that focuses both on what trauma is and on what you can do now to begin to heal through managing your triggers.

Since its publication, many of you have shared with me how this book launched you on your journey of healing.

Now your healing can take place anywhere.

There is a new assist for all of you who find yourselves in your cars or who just prefer to be read to instead of doing the reading: Healing Trauma Through Self-Parenting: The Codependency Connection is available as an audiobook. And if you purchase the Kindle version through Amazon.com, you can also get the Audible audiobook for a significantly reduced price*.

I learned about the audiobook version of Healing Trauma through a thank-you note from JM, one of the listeners who wrote to thank me for sharing “. . . the best book and most helpful book I have ever read (in this case, listened to) on this important, and very relevant to me, subject.”

You might wonder why it took a note from a listener to inform me that I have an audiobook, but when you sign a publishing contract, the publisher puts your book out there, and you don’t always know where.

That’s why I need you!

Thank YOU!

Your notes, emails, and comments when I speak are so important to me, and they provide valuable information such as JM’s email illustrated. They inspire me to keep trying to figure out how to make healing accessible to all. So thank you! We make a good team . . . keep letting me know what you think, feel, and what you find out!

If you’d like to listen to Healing Trauma Through Self-Parenting: The Codependency Connection and start on your own path to healing, here’s the link:
http://www.audible.com/pd/Self-Development/Healing-Trauma-Through-Self-Parenting-Audiobook/B00BFDO21Y/ref=a_search_c4_1_6_srTtl?qid=1434491726&sr=1-6

If you’d like to read the Kindle* version and take advantage of the discounted audiobook bundle pricing, here’s the link: http://www.amazon.com/Healing-Trauma-Through-Self-Parenting-Co-Dependency/dp/B00BFDECDC/ref=tmm_aud_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&sr=8-1&qid=1434838669

*If you don’t own a Kindle, you can download a free app to use on your Apple, Android, or Window devices.

Enjoy, and remember to let me know what you think!

Remember, you’ll find more ideas for getting rid of your negative self-talk in my latest book, The Girly Thoughts 10-Day Detox Plan: The Resilient Woman’s Guide to Saying NO to Negative Self-Talk and YES to Personal Power.

Begin Each Day With a Yes … and a No

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@drogorman
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I’ve attached a blog written by someone who may be familiar to you, Candace Johnson, the editor of my last three books, who I praise in my acknowledgments. She sent me this blog on July 11, just before my book signing in Lake Placid, NY. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/candace-johnson/living-in-the-moment_b_7754246.html

With all of the busyness of my life, I, like you, miss important events, so I didn’t see this until later.

Sunday morning as I sang in church, the tears finally came for Candace, her family, and this beautiful young girl literally cut down in the prime of her life. I thought about Candace’s advice about appreciating life because it could change in an instant, and I wondered, how?

My takeaway and my suggestion for you is to begin each day with an intention about what you want to bring into your life and what you want to stop in your life. Since you and I live a life so filtered through our societal messages of what we should do and how we should look, what I’ve named our toxic girly thoughts, I offer my intention to you:

Each day when I wake up and check my emails while still in bed, I’m going to write an intention for the day in my phone:

  • A personal, concrete goal I have for myself this day;
  • Which girly thought I’m going to challenge because I know from experience that it will rear its ugly head and attempt to misdirect my energies as I pursue my goal.

Why don’t you try this, and let me, and Candace, know how it works for you.

Remember, you’ll find more ideas for getting rid of your negative self-talk in my latest book, The Girly Thoughts 10-Day Detox Plan: The Resilient Woman’s Guide to Saying NO to Negative Self-Talk and YES to Personal Power.

What Do Your Girly Thoughts Look Like?

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Yes, I mean, what do girly thoughts physically look like? The way we internalize these ever-present societal messages of how we should look and should act can result in eating disorders, body-image problems, addictions, even depression.

We know we weren’t born this way. We began as little girls who liked ourselves and liked the world. Our girly thoughts are what we have learned.

One picture is worth a thousand words. Here is how Florida artist Michelle Sohn has depicted this toxic inner trash talk that I’ve labeled girly thoughts:

girly-thoughts-sohn

 

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Please share images of your toxic girly thoughts with me.

Copies of Michelle’s artwork can be obtained by contacting her at michellejoyhope@gmail.com

Remember, you’ll find more ideas for getting rid of your negative self-talk in my latest book, The Girly Thoughts 10-Day Detox Plan: The Resilient Woman’s Guide to Saying NO to Negative Self-Talk and YES to Personal Power.

If It’s Not An Immaculate Conception, Then Why Is It News?

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Bristol Plain is in the news again for being pregnant and unmarried. But the real question is: why is this news? Was this an immaculate conception? If not, then we need to ask why this is concerned newsworthy . . . unless there is an underlying bias.\

Why Isn’t the Father in the News?

Somehow there are never headlines like this:

‘_______’ Does It Again, Impregnates Another Woman
Who Thought He Loved Her

Hmmmmm. Why not? Because as a society, we blame the woman. Pregnancy is somehow always the woman’s fault, and we have been so brainwashed over generations that we buy into this.
And You Wonder Why Your Toxic Girly Thoughts Blame You?

Yes, that constant, negative self-talk that I’ve name girly thoughts persist in beating you up, blaming you, even in situations where it literally takes two. So if you wonder why you always feel so responsible, maybe it’s because everywhere you look you are being told you have more responsibility than a man, even if it is about getting pregnant.

Pretty ridiculous when it’s said like this, isn’t it?

Read about how Bristol is doing . . .

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/06/29/leave-bristol-palin-alone_n_7687376.html?ir=Women?ncid=newsltushpmg00000003

. . . and then decide to stop doing to yourself what the news is doing to Bristol. Stop seeing whatever the “it” is in your life as somehow all your fault.

Remember, you’ll find more ideas for getting rid of your negative self-talk in my latest book, The Girly Thoughts 10-Day Detox Plan: The Resilient Woman’s Guide to Saying NO to Negative Self-Talk and YES to Personal Power.

When Your Toxic, Inner Voice Announces You’re Dumb, Your Girly Thoughts Are Talking, and They’re WRONG

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Do you have this constant yammering in your head telling you that you can’t do something, that you’re so dumb you’ll screw this up? Does this toxic, inner voice tell you you’re just not smart enough?

I’ve named this energy-draining voice girly thoughts. Yes, it’s a miserable name for a terrible feeling we have been conditioned to inflict on ourselves. Why girly? Because we are still unconsciously laboring under the prejudice that for women to be attractive and desirable, they can’t be many things—including smart!

Your girly thoughts might sound smart . . .
Your girly thoughts may quote scientific evidence to support their claims of your stupidity. For example, your girly thoughts will even cite your IQ score as evidence of the lack of your ability.

IQ Scores Aren’t Absolute

Your girly thoughts don’t know that the only thing IQ scores really predict is how well you will do in school. Yes, that is what all the IQ hype amounts to, even if it is buried in the fine print. But there’s even some argument about this conclusion, because if you took the test after a sleepless night due to your parents’ arguing, or if you were just coming down from being high, or if you were terribly anxious because you feared this IQ test would somehow reveal your future, you probably had a depressed score.

Want to read more about what IQ scores really are?

http://www.wsj.com/articles/smarter-every-year-mystery-of-the-rising-iqs-1432737750.

Want to knock back those toxic girly thoughts? Quote this blog to that know-it-all girly thoughts voice in your head.

Remember, you’ll find more ideas for getting rid of your negative self-talk in my latest book, The Girly Thoughts 10-Day Detox Plan: The Resilient Woman’s Guide to Saying NO to Negative Self-Talk and YES to Personal Power.

When Your Toxic, Inner Voice Announces You’re Dumb, Your Girly Thoughts Are Talking, and They’re WRONG

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www.patriciaogorman.com
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Do you have this constant yammering in your head telling you that you can’t do something, that you’re so dumb you’ll screw this up? Does this toxic, inner voice tell you you’re just not smart enough?

I’ve named this energy-draining voice girly thoughts. Yes, it’s a miserable name for a terrible feeling we have been conditioned to inflict on ourselves. Why girly? Because we are still unconsciously laboring under the prejudice that for women to be attractive and desirable, they can’t be many things—including smart!

Your girly thoughts might sound smart . . .
Your girly thoughts may quote scientific evidence to support their claims of your stupidity. For example, your girly thoughts will even cite your IQ score as evidence of the lack of your ability.

IQ Scores Aren’t Absolute
Your girly thoughts don’t know that the only thing IQ scores really predict is how well you will do in school. Yes, that is what all the IQ hype amounts to, even if it is buried in the fine print. But there’s even some argument about this conclusion, because if you took the test after a sleepless night due to your parents’ arguing, or if you were just coming down from being high, or if you were terribly anxious because you feared this IQ test would somehow reveal your future, you probably had a depressed score.

Want to read more about what IQ scores really are? http://www.wsj.com/articles/smarter-every-year-mystery-of-the-rising-iqs-1432737750

Want to knock back those toxic girly thoughts? Quote this blog to that know-it-all girly thoughts voice in your head.

Remember, you’ll find more ideas for getting rid of your negative self-talk in my latest book, The Girly Thoughts 10-Day Detox Plan: The Resilient Woman’s Guide to Saying NO to Negative Self-Talk and YES to Personal Power.

Have You Lost Your Clit Due to Your Girly Thoughts?

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Shocking? Yes. Toxic girly thoughts, those societally determined standards of right and wrong for women that have you trying to be the good girl in so many ways—including sexually—have had a powerful effect on you.

When you consider this, you know you have been conditioned by the media and the greater society to feel comfortable speaking about penises, the male sexual organ, yet you don’t feel the same sense of curiosity or even excitement about your own sexual organ, your clitoris.

And you are not alone. But thankfully, this is changing. After centuries of this part of your anatomy being clothed in secrecy, ignored, even literally removed, the clitoris is finally receiving attention.

Thanks to an underground art movement led by artist Sophia Wallace, the lies, myths, and rules about sex and the female body are being questioned and challenged. Yes, it took a woman artist to do this! The medical and research community, which finally began serious research on the clitoris in 1998, has not been able to garner the public attention that one woman was able to do—the power of ONE, yet again.

Want more? Watch this video:

http://projects.huffingtonpost.com/cliteracy/intro?ncid=newsltushpmg00000003

Want to reclaim your clitoris? Begin by erasing the girly thought that says your genitals are not beautiful, that your sexuality is not important, by:

  • looking at paintings by Georgia O’Keefe, many of which are considered to be beautiful depictions of our genital area. See how inspirational, colorful, and imaginative a woman’s genitals are.
  • sharing this video and blog with male and female friends.
  • following #getclitorate, #cliteracy, and me, @drogorman, on Twitter.
  • exploring your clitoris and all the magic it contains.

And let me know what you and others have found helpful in getting the word out!

Remember, you’ll find more ideas for getting rid of your negative self-talk in my latest book, The Girly Thoughts 10-Day Detox Plan: The Resilient Woman’s Guide to Saying NO to Negative Self-Talk and YES to Personal Power.

Want Connection? Think Sex, Dogs, and Babies, Not Girly Thoughts

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The more you engage and connect, the more engagement and connections you will have.
-Loren Weisman

A common theme in psychotherapy sessions is connection. Women share that they want more connection, particularly with their intimate partners. But the way many women go about this is often self-defeating because they feel they need to fix some defective within themselves.

This is a toxic girly thought. The obnoxious way we women treatment ourselves deserves an obnoxious name.

The Source Is in You, Not in Your Girly Thoughts

But what if you already have something in you that allows you to feel an inner rush with another, something he also can feel? The good news is that you do. It’s in your hormones and in the hormones of that special someone: its name is oxytocin.

Yes, the same hormone that creates that inner warmth and potent connection you experience when you are having sex, nursing your baby, or petting a dog or cat can also help you connect with someone who you feel may be special, and it can help that person bond with you, too.

Don’t Waste Your Energy
Oxytocin is the connection hormone. So the next time you want to connect with someone you think is special, instead of using up your energy telling yourself you are not so desirable and he’ll never like you, think puppies, not girly thoughts.

Read how this approach of consciously using oxytocin is even working with our veterans at Walter Reed National Military Medical Center to create intimate bonds during healing: http://www.upworthy.com/the-therapy-dogs-at-walter-reed-are-not-magic-ok-maybe-a-little-bit?g=2&c=upw.

You’ll find more ideas for getting rid of your negative self-talk in my latest book, The Girly Thoughts 10-Day Detox Plan: The Resilient Woman’s Guide to Saying NO to Negative Self-Talk and YES to Personal Power

#JoshDuggar and YOUR Girly Thoughts

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Recently I literally fell asleep tweeting. I woke up after six hours and began tweeting again. This is not me.

Why did this happen? I was pumped. I was tweeting about Josh Duggar and his sisters. I tweeted my outrage and my concern for the increasing number of sexual abuse survivors who are screaming their pain on Twitter.

What’s the connection between Josh Duggar and the obnoxious name I’ve given to the toxic, inner self-talk that plagues us and misdirects our energy—girly thoughts?

Girly Thoughts Begin At Home

Families communicate in many ways from favorite stories that are told and re-told, to what is said—or not said—when abuse occurs. But actions speak even louder than words when parents respond, or don’t, to hurtful events within the family; when consequences don’t match the severity of the violation; when a girl’s attempt to disclose abuse is met with disbelief or accusations of lying.

In these ways families strongly influence not only teaching what is right, and what is wrong, but also how girls learn to feel about themselves. What girls should:

  • blame themselves for,
  • take responsibility for,
  • expect from others.

And what girls should accept in life from:

  • being second best,
  • feeling “less than,” to
  • in many families, not being as valued as the males —

This we learn early in our own families based on how we are treated when we are hurt.

Sexual Abuse and Incest

Family messages influence what we feel we deserve in life and this is part of the tragedy of incest (sexual abuse within the family). If incest is unaddressed, children are taught that they indeed are less worthy—less deserving of protection, understanding, and love than the abusing relative, neighbor, teacher, clergy, or coach.

Is it any wonder that women conclude we are indeed:

  • less important than men,
  • have to do more to earn love, and
  • have to be perfect to be desirable?

These are all girly thoughts.

Voice Your Concern

Begin by identifying how your own girly thoughts are limiting you. Then consider how women are blamed in situations that a man would not be, such as being seen as responsible for the abuse she endured. Watch for these stories on twitter and in other media. Express your concern.

Join with me:

  • Follow me on Twitter: #drogorman
  • Friend me on Facebook, and
  • Subscribe to my free blog on my website, www.patriciaogorman.com
  • Share your feelings about how women are being treated
  • Share how your girly thoughts affect you!

You’ll find more ideas for getting rid of your negative self-talk in my latest book, The Girly Thoughts 10-Day Detox Plan: The Resilient Woman’s Guide to Saying NO to Negative Self-Talk and YES to Personal Power

Sixteen and Not Ready to Confront Girly Thoughts

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I met Roseanna recently when I gave a talk at a university. She remembered that I asked women to share their girly thoughts, an obnoxious term I coined to describe that toxic, inner self-talk that plagues and disempowers women.

Roseanna’s Contribution

Roseanna send me a poem she wrote about her sister, a 16-year-old who was taught to underappreciate her accomplishments and to focus instead on fashion. Sound painfully familiar? After you read this poem, I hope you’ll share your comments with me, and I will forward them to her.

Sixteen
by Roseanna Boswell
(a college student studying Creative Writing and Women and Gender Studies)

My sister has no boots.
At least,
that’s what she tells me,
tipping conversation
over orange juice and coffee cups.
It’s breakfast,
and normally
she would be shunning daylight,
with half-closed-eyes,
making faces at her cereal bowl,
but today,
the effervescence of her smile
tells me: we’re going to talk
and we’re going to talk about shoes.
She is 16
and I worry:
In a world where it seems as though
she has a better chance
of being sexually assaulted
than becoming a computer science major,
how can I tell her not to be afraid?
She is 16
and she tells me that she has a 90 average,
that she needs new boots,
that sometimes she feels afraid to be alone with her teachers,
that she wants to borrow my sweater.
I tell her to always fight the patriarchy,
to be smart and safe,
I tell her “don’t believe guys
who say condoms don’t fit,”
I tell her “don’t let society dictate your beauty,
don’t let anyone dictate your body.”
She is 16,
she sighs, and rolls eyes.
She already knows how to navigate a world
that is unsympathetic to her body,
her gender,
her age.
She tells me she needs new boots.

What Happens When We Give Something a Name?

We realize we can wrap our minds and our words around a thing when we label it. We learn that what is rattling around inside of us is not just about us but has a more universal meaning.

Rosanna is just enough older than her sister to understand the power of our girly thoughts to distract us from what is really important. But we don’t have to continue to do this. We can identify those toxic girly thoughts and replace them with helpful and empowering thoughts about the ways in which we are special.

Do You Want to Share Something About Girly Thoughts?

If so, please contact me through my website. Look soon for artwork from Michelle Sohn depicting girly thoughts.

Interested in speaking about girly thoughts?
Join Me—Next Stops:

  • Worchester, MA: June 11, 10:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. “Girly Thoughts and Addiction.”
  • Lake Placid, NY: July 11, 3:00 p.m. to 5:00 p.m. Book signing at Bookstore Plus.

Want to talk about girly thoughts? Invite me to:

  • Your book club
  • Your management meeting

You’ll find more ideas for getting rid of your negative self-talk in my latest book, The Girly Thoughts 10-Day Detox Plan: The Resilient Woman’s Guide to Saying NO to Negative Self-Talk and YES to Personal Power