Patricia, Author at The Powerful Woman | Women & Resilience

A Valentine’s Gift for You

“How do you spell ‘love’?” –Piglet

“You don’t spell it…you feel it.” –Pooh

—A.A. Milne, “Winnie The Pooh”

You were raised on tales of Prince Charming coming to your rescue and thereby proving his undying love. You’ve seen numerous movies and read many books where strong, feisty women are nevertheless in need of rescuing by the men of their dreams.

While you may no longer be reading fairy tales, you may unconsciously still be living by the messages they taught, messages that are part of the fabric of your girly thoughts, those that tell you your self-worth depends largely on how someone else values you, even loves you.

Valentine’s Day—A Day That Proves Your . . . Self-Worth?

Perhaps on no other day do these messages play out as they do on Valentine’s Day . . . the day your “prince” will prove your genuine lovability.

As a result, you are probably putting a great deal of importance on this one day.

We pressure our partners to use traditional tokens of love and appreciation— cards, flowers, chocolates, perhaps even Champagne—to demonstrate our importance in their lives and prove their devotion to us. If they fail in some way, we are tempted to feel diminished, less important, and—sadly—unloved or unlovable.

As a Result, You Feel Held Hostage

You put pressure on yourself to be seen and rewarded, signifying that all the sacrifices you made were “worth it.” And if you are not rewarded as you feel you should be, your girly thoughts tell you the fault lies within you, and you must try harder, do more. Or your girly thoughts tell you you’re not loveable because you are too old, not exciting, too fat or too thin, and the inner monologue about your real or imagined negative qualities goes on . . . and on . . . and on.

In this way, Valentine’s Day holds you hostage, creating anxiety and uncertainty, draining you of your power as you unwittingly give it over to another person.

This is the exact opposite of what you’d hoped for.

Does Waiting to Be Loved Work for You?

If waiting to be loved actually makes you anxious and miserable, I suggest an alternative:

Why not (also) love yourself?

This isn’t meant to subtract from your loved one’s importance in your life, merely to balance it by also caring for and cherishing yourself.

Yes, you can still be appreciative of the gifts from your partner, boyfriend, or husband, but you also give yourself something perhaps even more important . . . self-love and self-appreciation!

Appreciate Yourself on Valentine’s Day

You may be planning a romantic dinner with your boyfriend. If you have children, you may be putting valentines in their lunch boxes. Perhaps you’ll be posting a Valentine’s Day message on Facebook for your friends and family.

But what about you? What can you give yourself on this day of love?

Make Yourself a Priority

Here are some thoughts to get you started:

Plan what you are going to wear on Valentine’s Day in a leisurely way Instead of just focusing on what you will be making for dinner, think about yourself. Ask yourself: What looks good on me? Which outfit makes me feel good about myself? What do I feel comfortable wearing?
As you wear your favorite clothes on Valentine’s Day, tell yourself: I look good!
Write down two things you really like about yourself. You don’t have to display that list, but put it somewhere you’ll see it—and say those words out loud each time you do
Think of ways you can act on those qualities and get others to also see them. For example, if you like your voice, sing in your car, sing at work, or entertain your partner. If you feel you are a valuable part of your work team and have something important to say in a meeting, lean in and say it.
Give yourself “attagirls” throughout the day for stepping out of your comfort zone and into your power.
Tell yourself . . . I love you.

Now you’re creating a day full of love . . .

Remember—as Winnie the Pooh says…you don’t need to spell love, you just need to feel it, within yourself.

Wishing you a Happy Valentine’s Day!

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By Patricia O’Gorman, PhD,
author of: The Resilient Woman: Mastering the 7 Steps to Personal Power (HCI, 2013)

Order: Amazon / Barnes & Noble

and coming in 2014

Out Your Girly Thoughts…Embrace Your Strength workbook (coming April 2014 from HCI Books)

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Patricia O’Gorman, PhD, a psychologist in private practice in Saranac Lake, New York, is noted for her work on women, trauma, and substance abuse and for her warm, inspiring, and funny presentations that make complex issues accessible and fun. She has served as a consultant to organizations in preventative and clinical strategic planning. Dr. O’Gorman is a cofounder of the National Association for Children of Alcoholics, and she has held positions ranging from clinical director of a child welfare agency to interim director of a crime victims organization to director of the division of prevention for the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA). Learn more at http://patriciaogorman.com

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Don’t Let Your Girly Thoughts Affect Your Caregiving

I am so excited to share this blog post about how girly thoughts affect caregiving. Dr. Teena Cahill, who speaks and writes on caregiving, women, and leadership, is a friend, colleague, and an endorser of The Resilient Woman, and I’m thrilled to welcome her to The Powerful Woman. Read this all the way through; the last line is funny because it is so true. And please remember to share your thoughts on how your girly thoughts affect your caregiving.

By Teena Cahill, PsyD

author of: The Cahill Factor: Turning Adversity Into Advantage

I’ve been a caregiver to my husband for more than twenty-one years. He is a former Marine Corps fighter pilot and great guy . . . who has many challenges, both physically and cognitively. Over the past few years, I thought I was handling the increasing stress just fine, but recently with the help of Dr. O’Gorman’s great insights about how girly thoughts hinder resilient living, I had an epiphany.

As women, we do all kinds of caregiving . . . kids, husbands, communities, and now the world! But I never made the link between girly thoughts and caregiving until I read The Resilient Woman: Mastering the 7 Steps to Personal Power. Girly thoughts tell us we must be good at all things—perfect, in fact–and that we must always put others ahead of ourselves or . . . we are not nice people! This thinking can really “take down” a caregiver.

Isolation and depression are two of the biggest risks for caregivers . . . and these girly thoughts can lead us to thinking we must do it all and not ask for help.

Caregiver or Care-Partner?

So, in fighting my girly thoughts, I’ve decided to stop being a caregiver and become a care-partner instead! Just as we ask our kids to take responsibility for their behavior, I asked my husband to think of us as care partners and respond to me with care in ways that are within his ability.

I asked him to make eye contact, to smile, laugh, and, although he has limited energy, to use some of it to reach out be the first to connect with me as I do with him. In fact, as soon as I became aware of my girly thoughts and changed my title from caregiver to care-partner, I felt less alone.

Words matter. Now I have turned my eyesto the world, and I often ask others if I can be on their partner team and they on mine. Suddenly the isolation is lessened both inside and outside my home.

I’ve come to realize that as both women and caregivers, we must challenge our girly thoughts throughout the many decades of life. But on the positive side . . . it’s fun to be in my sixth decade and still working those early girly thoughts years!

Now, if I could just get rid of the wrinkles and those extra pounds! Oops, “Grandma Girly Thoughts” at work!!!

For more information on Dr. Cahill’s, work go to:

wisdomandbeyond

www.teenacahill.com

Interview with Holly Stephey – Blog Talk Radio – 1/31/14

More Pop Culture Podcasts at Blog Talk Radio with Red Velvet Media on BlogTalkRadio

New Years Resolution #1 – Lose Weight? How’s it Going?

By Patricia O’Gorman, PhD,
author of: The Resilient Woman: Mastering the 7 Steps to Personal Power (HCI, 2013)

Order: Amazon / Barnes & Noble

and coming in 2014

Out Your Girly Thoughts…Embrace Your Strength workbook (coming April 2014 from HCI Books)

You’re almost one month into the New Year. Time to tweak your New Year’s Resolutions, and get real. If you’re like so many other women your number one new behavior for the New Year is losing weight. So, time to ask yourself — how’s it going?

If your answer is – not so well—if you’re already feeling like giving up, if you’re now again angry at your body, then it’s time to re-think how you are trying to accomplished your goal.

Consider this –instead of concentrating on the newest diet craze, think about an alternate approach—rather focusing on losing weight, how about directing your energy to what increases your stress and causes you to want to eat yourself into oblivion? How about losing your girly thoughts?

Want to know more? Read my latest blog in Aging Abundantly…. And let me know how this radical approach, that is actually nice to you, is working for you.

http://agingabundantly.com/2014/01/20/still-time-to-re-think-your-new-years-resolutions/

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And please know that I’ll never sell, share, or rent your contact information—that’s a promise!

Setting Examples for our Daughters: What Mothers teach their Daughters about Girly Thoughts

By Patricia O’Gorman, PhD,
author of: The Resilient Woman: Mastering the 7 Steps to Personal Power (HCI, 2013)

Order: Amazon / Barnes & Noble

and coming in 2014

Out Your Girly Thoughts…Embrace Your Strength workbook (coming April 2014 from HCI Books)

We say one picture is worth a thousand words. If that is so, then one video must be worth many more.

Out of the Mouths of Babes

I encourage you to watch the video below (sent to me by a reader) of a participant at the Barnard College poetry slam. In it, a young woman speaks to what she sees in her mother that both concerns and infuriates her. She expresses her pain about how the intergenerational messages she has internalized hurt both her and her mother.

Those of us who are mothers may believe that our daughters just follow our directives and do not see the context, do not see our actions or those of our mothers (their grandmothers). We think they do not see the price we pay for following the culturally directed girly thoughts that tell us how to act and how to think, and that promise rejection if we stray from acting in this narrow cultural band.

Think again.

Learning to Take Up Less Space

The poet in this video speaks to how generations of women in her family have been groomed and coached to take up less and less space. “I have been taught accommodation,” she says.

She speaks to being concerned that her mother sneaks downstairs at midnight to secretly eat food to which she does not feel entitled. She talks about how her mother masks her pain with lips coated with wine.

Yes, women have been coached for generations to be smaller, to “wane” as their husbands ‘wax’; coached to be the “woman behind the man,” to be important, yes, but invisible and unrecognized.

But our daughters will break this cycle, won’t they?

“Spend enough time sitting across from someone and you pick up their habits. That’s why the women in my family have been shrinking for decades,” the poet muses.

Sound familiar? Listen to Lilly and ask yourself… is this me as well?

What Can We Do to Support Our Daughters?

Encourage them to give voice to their concerns about us

Ask your daughter to discuss what concerns her about you. Her answers may be difficult to listen to, but it is better to have your daughter put this into words than just do what women have been trained to do, which is to internalize what they are concerned about and not speak up.

Listen to what our daughters are saying

Sometimes it is difficult to listen to our children, particularly when they are angry—speaking to us with raised voices, using profanity, acting in a way we feel is inappropriate, yelling to us from another room. Our children’s behavior may mask what they are saying—but what they are saying may be right on. Listen to the message; don’t just tune it out because you don’t like the delivery.

Change your behavior

Yes, you may need to change. Your daughter’s concerns may be well-founded. There may very well be something there that your daughter is picking up on that you should address by changing your actions, changing your thinking, changing the messages you are sending.

Crisis Is Opportunity

As I wrote in the first step of my book, The Resilient Woman, patriciaogorman.com, crisis is opportunity. Let this “crisis” of your daughter confronting you on modeling inappropriate, ingrained behaviors and attitudes be the opportunity for you to change in a way that benefits you and frees your daughter from following your girly thoughts.

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And please know that I’ll never sell, share, or rent your contact information—that’s a promise!

Patricia O’Gorman, PhD, a psychologist in private practice in Saranac Lake, New York, is noted for her work on women, trauma, and substance abuse and for her warm, inspiring, and funny presentations that make complex issues accessible and fun. She has served as a consultant to organizations in preventative and clinical strategic planning. Dr. O’Gorman is a cofounder of the National Association for Children of Alcoholics (NACOA), and she has held positions ranging from clinical director of a child welfare agency to interim director of a crime victims organization to director of the division of prevention for the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA). Learn more at http://patriciaogorman.com

A Precious Gift for You, for The Holidays: Connecting to YOU!

By Patricia O’Gorman, PhD,
author of: The Resilient Woman: Mastering the 7 Steps to Personal Power (HCI, 2013)

Order: Amazon / Barnes & Noble

and coming in 2014

Out Your Girls Thoughts and Embrace Your Strength workbook

We all love receiving presents. They are tokens of friendship: the cookies you bake and give to neighbors; tokens of caring, such as the book of poetry you give to your boyfriend. In some ways, presents signify our worthiness, as in being the worthy recipient of gifts from others: the locket your husband gives you, the potholder made for you with love by your granddaughter, the camisole given shyly by your partner. Sometimes gifts are even necessary, such as the money you may give your children.

Gifts connect us to others

Giving and receiving gifts are ways we connect with others, from the packet of family recipes you receive from your mother to the oil change your daughter gives you for your car. Gifts connect us to each other by saying, “I know you; we belong together; I care; I see what you need; your needs are important to me; you are valued.” And we all need connection.

Gifts are fun

Not to mention that gifts are fun—the festive, maybe even inventive, wrappings and bows and the thoughts behind them; the understanding that someone cares enough to think about what you may like, may need, what will make you feel special. Yes, there is an element of caring, even love, in every gift you receive.

Gifts can connect us to ourselves

And in this season of giving, hopefully you have you on your own list, giving something to yourself that you may want and may even need.

There are some things only we can give ourselves.

You may decide to make sure you receive exactly what you want and give yourself presents that are material, tangible reminders that you do care for yourself, that you value yourself, even if they require that you make sacrifices, well, for yourself.

Your self-gifting might include splurging to buy those jeans in the right cut and color, those earrings with just the perfect bling, that lipstick and nail polish that match just so, but these aren’t the only things you can give yourself.

You can also give yourself intangible gifts, such as relief from those thoughts and feelings that disconnect you from yourself, thoughts for which you pay a high price, thoughts that weigh you down and cause you to doubt yourself (or worse, hate yourself).

Give yourself the gift of releasing your girly thoughts.

Gifting yourself through connecting . . . to you:

This is a time of year to begin to envision what your life would be like without your girly thoughts, those thoughts that demand you act within a very narrow band of acceptable looks and acceptable behavior, and promise dire consequences when you do not. A special gift to give yourself is to play with the possibilities of how wonderful your life can be when you free yourself from needing to be someone you are not.

Try these simple steps:

Begin to play with the possibilities . . .

Stay in touch with how you feel, not just with what you need to do. Listen to your inner voice. I know that what you need to do voice is the louder voice, especially now, but experiment with turning up the volume on your feeling voice.
Make a note on your phone or your computer, even on a piece of paper, about your feelings, and if you have time, about what you like and what you don’t.
Experiment with sharing how you feel with someone you trust, at least once, maybe even twice.

It’s easy to tell yourself “I don’t have time,” but you’re making time to read this, aren’t you? Guaranteed you have another five minutes in your day, somewhere, and giving yourself this time can be a gift in and of itself. And just imagine for a moment how much more connected to you will feel to you!

Now that’s some gift!

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And please know that I’ll never sell, share, or rent your contact information—that’s a promise!

Patricia O’Gorman, PhD, a psychologist in private practice in Saranac Lake, New York, is noted for her work on women, trauma, and substance abuse and for her warm, inspiring, and funny presentations that make complex issues accessible and fun. She has served as a consultant to organizations in preventative and clinical strategic planning. Dr. O’Gorman is a cofounder of the National Association for Children of Alcoholics (NACOA), and she has held positions ranging from clinical director of a child welfare agency to interim director of a crime victims organization to director of the division of prevention for the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA). Learn more at http://patriciaogorman.com

Be Strong and Shine for Your Children: The Impact of Girly Thoughts

By Patricia O’Gorman, PhD,
author of: The Resilient Woman: Mastering the 7 Steps to Personal Power (HCI, 2013)

Order: Amazon / Barnes & Noble

and coming in 2014

Out Your Girls Thoughts and Embrace Your Strength workbook

Our children learn from us by the ways we act, what we eat, even how we dress. How many of us have found our daughters trying on our clothes or walking in our high heels? Using our make-up? Spraying on our perfume? How many of us have worked with our sons in the kitchen? Or noticed them picking up our facial expressions? So is it such a surprise that they would try on our language?

The Power of Our Words

They notice not only the language we use when we speak to them, but also the language we use to describe ourselves to our friends, our families, and even strangers we interact with. They notice how we mumble about wishing we hadn’t done something or how we would be “better” if we were different in some way.

The Impact of Our Girly Thoughts

So when we internalize our girly thoughts, those media-driven messages about how we should look and act that result in our feeling less than, those self-judgments come out of our mouths.

They have an impact. Not just on us, but also on our children.

The example we set is just one of the many influences that help to form our children’s opinions and values. Combine those with the impact of media—television, magazines, movies, the Internet, and those video games—and the influences of their friends and their other family members, and it is easy to see why our children feel inadequate and less than, no matter how accomplished they might actually be.

These influences are often so subtle that they are difficult to grab hold of, but they have a huge impact on both our children and us.

But We Now Have A New Tool

We can begin to make ourselves more aware of that negative inner dialogue—our girly thoughts—and challenge the messages.

We have new tool to help us do this, thanks to Pantene. In this new 60-second ad, they show the same actions of young men and women side by side along with the labels commonly used to describe these behaviors—and it is stunning!

http://mashable.com/2013/12/10/pantene-ad-philippines/#:eyJzIjoiZiIsImkiOiJfZjFpMjVsYTVudjEzYWppbCJ9

The Power of Labels

Men are depicted as persuasive, dedicated, neat, and smooth, while the same behaviors in women are seen as pushy, selfish, vain, or showing off. The double standard is palpable and is depicted so very well in a less than one minute.

Don’t Let Labels Hold Your Children Back—Here’s How:

This video is a great teaching tool, and I suggest you use it now. Show it to your children, or even your grandchildren and ask when they have heard these words used about their friends or themselves.

Ask how these words make them or their friends feel.
Ask if these are the best words to describe what they see.

Use these words as teaching tools, and explore them as you watch a show or read a story. Ask you son or daughter if the character is being:

pushy or persuasive
dedicated or selfish
vain or neat
smooth or a show-off

Then ask them how the character feels about the label.

Give Your Children Permission to Challenge Double Standards

Every time we take a step, make a correction, challenge our own thinking and actions or those of others, our children notice. This informs not only their thinking but also their actions, giving them our unspoken permission to also begin to challenge the double standard as they encounter it in their own lives.

Watch your language when you describe yourself. Don’t feed your children’s developing self-worth with girly thoughts.

Challenge those close to you if they try to slap you with an unkind and inaccurate label. Develop your conscious resilience and model it for your children so they have the tools with which to shape their own positive and healthy self-images.

Think about taking these small steps not only for you, but also for those you love. Not a bad way to end this year as we look to see what is ahead!

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You may manage your subscription options from your profile.

And please know that I’ll never sell, share, or rent your contact information—that’s a promise!

Patricia O’Gorman, PhD, a psychologist in private practice in Albany, and Saranac Lake, New York, is noted for her work on women, trauma, and substance abuse and for her warm, inspiring, and funny presentations that make complex issues accessible and even fun. She has served as a consultant to organizations in preventative and clinical strategic planning including Lifescape Solutions in Delray Beach, Florida. Dr. O’Gorman is a cofounder of the National Association for Children of Alcoholics, and she has held positions ranging from clinical director of a child welfare agency to interim director of a crime victims organization to director of the division of prevention for the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA). Learn more at http://patriciaogorman.com

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Five Holiday Gifts for Your Daughter as You Teach Her to Challenge Her Girly Thoughts

By Patricia O’Gorman, PhD,
author of: The Resilient Woman: Mastering the 7 Steps to Personal Power (HCI, 2013)

Order: Amazon / Barnes & Noble

What Are Girly Thoughts?
Your daughter is a girl, so isn’t she supposed to be thinking thoughts like a girl? Yes, but not these thoughts. Girly thoughts are the subtle conditioning that begins in girlhood and continues throughout life that results in women feeling less than. These are the thoughts that tell us how we should look and also pressure us with how we should act—well, like a girl, and not just any girl, but a popular girl.

Help Her Own Her Skills
So what’s your role as a mother who may be struggling with her own girly thoughts?

First and foremost, you want to help your daughter build her resilience consciously. Yes, even at a young age, your daughter is mastering a series of negative circumstances in life and is developing skills for dealing with them, skills that form the basis for how she will approach other challenges as she matures.

The trick for her is to own that she knows how to:

talk to a mean girl
study for a quiz
ask for what she wants/needs from you
handle her younger sibling’s tantrums
forge her own identity when she’s compared to an older sibling

. . . and the list goes on.

Yes, your daughter already has many skills. The trick is for her to consciously use them, for her conscious use of her skills will allow her skills to become part of her identity.

Consciously Using Her Resilience
The skill set we develop when we deal with difficult circumstances is called our resilience. And while we all have resilience, women often do not consciously walk around thinking of themselves as resilient because for many, this feels unfeminine or even unattractive. This notion that women cannot appear too resilient or too strong begins early.

Tips for Teaching Your Daughter Conscious Resilience
Since you are her greatest teacher, you need to model resilience for her. This means you need to own and consciously use your own resilience in your own life.

So take a moment and think about just what it is that you do. Then find moments to share your insights with her and point out the skills that you use to deal with difficult circumstances. How to do this? Start by saying out loud, “I managed this busy day by deep breathing,” or “I make a list and promising myself a reward when I’ve completed it,” or whatever it is you have done, and then:

share with her the skills you use throughout the day.
name the skills that you see her using in her own life.
point out the silliness of the ads in magazines, on TV, and in the movies that show photoshopped girls doing amazing things that are not real.
speak to her about her real life heroines (perhaps her grandmother, aunt, teacher, or even a classmate), women she knows who are struggling with a major challenge. Point out the skills they are using.
make a list of the skills she uses each day, and hang it on the refrigerator or her closet door.

Help her see herself as someone who is learning how to navigate life’s challenges by using her resilience. This is a sure way to help her be less influenced by the media’s peddling of their collective notion of who she should be and help her kick those girly thoughts to the curb.

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And please know that I’ll never sell, share, or rent your contact information—that’s a promise!

Using Your Resilience When the Holidays Threaten to Be Not So Happy

By Patricia O’Gorman, PhD,
author of: The Resilient Woman: Mastering the 7 Steps to Personal Power (HCI, 2013)

Order: Amazon / Barnes & Noble

It’s the holidays . . . so be happy

Isn’t that what all the songs, the stories, the TV specials tell us? Happy is even the first or second sentiment of all of the messages we receive on everything from our postage stamps to the music in elevators: Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Eid Greetings, Happy New Year.

The message is clear—have fun. There is such hype about feeling good, giving gifts, and, of course, receiving gifts. But the happiness is all very idealized.

We see holiday perfection depicted over and over again wherever we look. Family gatherings are portrayed as loving; members are connected, respectful, and understanding. Meals looking delicious, and we can almost smell them through the pages of our favorite magazines. And we all want to enjoy those we love; but that’s not always how it works, particularly in some families—like my family of origin, and maybe yours.

. . . except for those other families

Yes, this is what we all want, but for some families, these times are less than happy. Family alcoholism, divorce, job loss, or death of a loved one all create stress that seems out-of-place during these idealized joyful times, making them somehow even more painful.

So what can you do? Yes, you can get super-stressed, very depressed, and just get through it. Or you can use your resilience to actually enjoy the holidays. In fact, the holidays can even help you develop conscious resilience, as they certainly give you enough adverse circumstances to bump up against! But you can make choices to do something about them.

What you can do . . .

1. Actively love your inner child. You deserve no less.

Hold the hand of your inner child, the part of you that remembers and feels the memories and the feelings of the past.
Find time to be with this part of who you are, whether this means:
- finding time to have a good cry, or
- looking at those cute baby pictures and appreciate how that adorable child is still alive within you.

2. Set helpful limits (for more information on this, read the second step in my newest book, The Resilient Woman) to actively care for yourself during this time:

Get enough sleep.
Don’t overindulge with alcohol.
Allow yourself some treats, but don’t feel you need to jump into the dessert table with both hands, and God forbid, both feet.
Say “no” as a complete sentence when asked to do something that is not right for you.
Say “yes” to doing something you want to do, even if it is not part of your family tradition.

3. Create new traditions that make more sense to the adult you are now:

Buy yourself a present instead of being stressed about not getting what you really want.
Take the pressure off. Tell yourself you don’t need to:
- make the perfect meal, or
- send out cards to everyone you know, or
- have the perfect tree.
Get other family members involved:
- ask family and friends to not bring alcohol to your family gathering, or
- ask everyone to bring a dish instead of trying to make all the food yourself, or
- decide when to spend quiet time with those you love, rather than feeling you need to say “yes” to all invitations.

What does this all add up to? Giving yourself permission to try some new behaviors by putting your resilience into action.

Challenge those girly thoughts that tell you to please others, and try to take care of yourself. Now that’s a real gift!

For more tips on dealing with the holidays if you come from a family that had those painful struggles (particularly over the holidays, like the tree being thrown out the window), listen to Dan and I speak about my book, 12 Steps to Self-Parenting on Beyond50Radio.com, a radio show for baby boomers …12.6 @ 3pm ET. To join our live conversation call — (724) 444-7444. Dial 59781# when asked for talk show ID. Or listen to it online.

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You may manage your subscription options from your profile.

And please know that I’ll never sell, share, or rent your contact information—that’s a promise!

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Recognize Your Everyday Heroism and That of Other Extraordinary Women – Support The Red Suitcase – a film of one ordinary woman’s extraordinary journey into life

By Patricia O’Gorman, PhD,
author of: The Resilient Woman: Mastering the 7 Steps to Personal Power (HCI, 2013)

Order: Amazon / Barnes & Noble

The Red Suitcase Indiegogo Video from Red Suitcase Films on Vimeo.

Everyday Heroism

What does it take to be a hero? To be someone of courage who, despite overwhelming fear, takes a step outside of the known and blazes a new trail in her own life?

Something unusual? Not really. I have found in my own life (and in the lives of the women I know and have treated) that it often takes a crisis that we know on some level will either make us or break us to do what seems to be the impossible—and this is to change. It is these very crises that result in shaping us, creating the person who we are now.

Using a crisis to consciously grow is the first step in my book The Resilient Woman. And that is what this extraordinary film—The Red Suitcase—is about. It asks, “How do I separate myself from the life I’ve lived? How do I move forward from the script I have followed, the one that told me what was expected of me as a woman, as a dutiful wife, as a mother, to see what life can hold for me now?”

The Red Suitcase

The Red Suitcase is a movie that is being developed, and it needs your help. It’s about a 66-year-old woman who, with her grown daughter’s help, has to find the courage to start her life over. The film is based on a true story about the writer’s mother, who suddenly found herself alone and penniless after her husband of 35 years, the writer’s father, walked out of her life. Here is the story of one woman’s conscious development of her resilience as she challenges her girly thoughts that tell her that at her age, her life is over.

Need Your Support

Dana White (the daughter and writer) and her husband, Chris, are using Indiegogo to generate funding. They launched a 60 day campaign on November 13, 2013, and are looking for further support to get the movie made. Here’s the link:

http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/the-red-suitcase

I’m supporting The Red Suitcase because it will resonate with women, empowering us to take care of ourselves. It documents how we can make sense of our personal chaos, using this to garner strength, to develop resilience, and to grow. On a very moving level this is the story of every woman– our mother, our grandmother, our aunt, our friend, and perhaps even ourselves. It reminds me of a basic concept I learned during my teaching days—each one, teach one. The Red Suitcase can do this. Will you help?

Recognize Your Everyday Heroism and That of Other Extraordinary Women . . .Support The Red Suitcase . . . a film of one ordinary woman’s extraordinary journey into life

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And please know that I’ll never sell, share, or rent your contact information—that’s a promise!