Patricia O'Gorman, Author at The Powerful Woman

Want to Be a Millionaire? Stop Your Toxic Girly Thoughts

By Patricia O’Gorman, PhD

www.patriciaogorman.com

Austin Geidt credits her road to sobriety with her success in developing Uber. But that’s not the whole story. Let’s understand what she is saying in terms of how this journey also helped her re-define herself as a woman.

Her road to recovery had her going back to basics, dropping out of college, and getting help for her drug addiction. But it also resulted in her graduating college at age twenty-five with a blank resume. Her lack of experience didn’t stop her.

Being Resilient, Not Discouraged

Was she discouraged? No. She was proud of her sobriety, and this hard-fought journey helped her know that she had many skills, that she was resilient. Austin began looking for a job and answered a tweet about an internship in a new start-up. She was Uber’s #4 employee, and today she’s a top executive.

Trusting Who You Truly Are—Not What Your Toxic Girly Thoughts Say

Austin began her new career by using what she’d learned in her recovery on the job and by being who she knew herself to be. As a result, she didn’t fall into the trap common to so many young women professionals: listening to the guidance of toxic girly thoughts that tell them how they should look and how they should act in order to be acceptable.

Here is what she learned and credits for her success:

Perspective. She is very proud of her work, her accomplishments, and her team, but she is most proud of herself and her recovery. She doesn’t define herself by outside standards, like toxic girly thoughts coach women to do.
Directness and Honesty. Austin doesn’t focus on being liked, a common toxic girly thought that trips women up in their personal lives and at work.

Goals. She believes that humility, rather than the “self-importance” of toxic girly thoughts, informs your “measure of success.”

Want to be inspired? Watch her video interview with Fortune Magazine:

http://fortune.com/video/2015/12/02/uber-austin-geidt-sobriety/

And read her interview in Business Insider:

http://www.businessinsider.com/ubers-austin-geidts-insane-life-2015-12

Have you met someone who embodies the idea of personal resilience, someone who overcame her self-defeating and toxic girly thoughts to embrace her personal power? Maybe that someone is you? I invite you to share your story in the comments, or email me at girlythoughtsdetox@gmail.com.

??Remember, you’ll find more ideas for getting rid of your negative self-talk in my two latest books, The Girly Thoughts 10-Day Detox Plan: The Resilient Woman’s Guide to Saying NO to Negative Self-Talk and YES to Personal Power and The Resilient Woman: Mastering The 7 Steps to Personal Power.

Girly Thought #1: I’m Fat = A Sure Way NOT to Lose Weight in the New Year

By Patricia O’Gorman, PhD

@drogorman

www.patriciaogorman.com

“Awareness, not deprivation, informs what you eat.” —Geneen Roth

Yes, over the holidays you ate more than you wished you had, and now you feel . . . fat.

Girly Thought #1: I’m Fat

Become aware that the multi-billion dollar diet industry has ramped up, telling you that you need to lose weight, hoping you will buy their no-effort-required books, shakes, pills, plans, magazines.

Their marketing strategy feeds your toxic girly thought’, causing you to internalize corporate images of beauty that make you feel less than, which increase your stress and your eating.

So what do you do? You sign up for the plan or shake, buy the new book, or purchase the magazine (many of which have photos of tantalizing desserts on the cover), as you collapse in exhaustion and then eat a treat because you are stressed.

To Lose Weight, Lose Those Girly Thoughts

Most women are stress eaters. So if you want to lose weight, you have two choices:

Go on a diet, which will only increase your stress because you eat when you are stressed, or
Commit to doing a 10-Day Detox to change your thinking and lose the cause of your stress—those harmful girly thoughts!

Make this next year about losing your girly thoughts—and watch those pounds melt away.

Now say: “Yes, I can.”

Remember, you’ll find more ideas for getting rid of your negative self-talk in my two latest books, The Girly Thoughts 10-Day Detox Plan: The Resilient Woman’s Guide to Saying NO to Negative Self-Talk and YES to Personal Power and The Resilient Woman: Mastering The 7 Steps to Personal Power.

5 Girly Thoughts™ that Increase Your Holiday Stress

It’s the happy holiday season, and you’re already feeling the pressure. If you’re like most of us, you’re already hearing that inner voice that pushes you to do more, reminding you that it is up to you to make this a holiday season to remember while telling you that no matter what you’re doing, it is not enough.

How Your Girly Thoughts Turn Up the Holiday Pressure

I’ve named this toxic, negative self-talk your girly thoughts. Girly thoughts function as an internal gauge of perfection against which you measure yourself, and guess what? You find yourself falling short from where you feel you should be.

Here is what your girly thoughts are telling you and what you can do about them:
1. Everyone I know needs a card and a personal note from me. Let’s face it: in this day of digital communication, a handwritten note is a lovely indication of your caring. But having a self-expectation of sending a handwritten note to everyone you know when you now clearly do not send out notes regularly?

Consider writing a lovely email letter and sending this out instead.
2. I need to make home-cooked, memorable meals, and glorious desserts like the one pictured above. The belief that every meal needs to be a masterpiece gets in the way of actually enjoying the meal. If you don’t enjoy it, neither will anyone else.

Instead, tell yourself: I need to make meals I will enjoy. Consider:

Serving some ready-made foods
Saying yes when guests ask if they can bring something
Preparing simpler recipes

3. I must look fabulous. The pressure to look good is always with us; in fact, “I’m fat” is girly thought #1. Time to detox!
Change this to: I need to feel comfortable. Too tired after a day of working and an evening of cooking to wear those heels to the party? Ditch them.

4. I must attend every holiday event, concert, and party. Yes, this is the season of making merry, but that means you want to feel merry as well.

Consider setting reasonable limits on what you will and will not do. Notice the emphasis is not on what you can do but what you will do.
5. I must find the perfect gift that says I love them. Ah, the perfect gift. No pressure here.

Change this to acknowledging each recipient’s specialness, and stay tuned for a blog on gift giving.

Give Yourself a Gift for the Holidays—Detox from Your Girly Thoughts

Girly thoughts act like a conduit through which all your discomfort, all the stresses of your life, are filtered, and the holidays just magnify that discomfort.

So this holiday season, give yourself a great gift: stop listening to that negative, toxic voice that tells you what you should do and instead look for ways to reduce your stress so you can experience all the joy of the season.

Remember, you’ll find more ideas for getting rid of your negative self-talk in my latest book, The Girly Thoughts 10-Day Detox Plan: The Resilient Woman’s Guide to Saying NO to Negative Self-Talk and YES to Personal Power

Embrace Your Spirit of Gratitude, Not Your Toxic Girly Thoughts

We are really living in our minds . . . where we’re not really connected to the world around us, nor centered in our own body or being
-—Elyse Santilli

The holiday season is stressful. We often worry about things that might happen, ruminate about what happened in holidays past, and see others as judging us.

We do this through the lens we use to judge ourselves, which is often filtered through our toxic girly thoughts—how we internalize societal values of beauty and accomplishment—and we use these negative thoughts to essentially torment ourselves. Yes, our thoughts do distort our connection to our world and to ourselves.

Projecting Our Worst Fears

Ask yourself if you’ve ever worried about things like:

your cookies not being as good as the year before;
your in-laws still talking about your husband’s ex, who was so loving;
the weight you gained last holiday season, which you are still walking around with; or
how you will measure up to the other women at the holiday and family gatherings.

These are all examples of toxic girly thoughts, ideas that deprive you of feeling gratitude for what you do have by focusing you away from the present, away from your personal strengths and resilience.

Counteract Those Toxic Girly Thoughts!

Instead of focusing on your fears, try turning those negative messages around and focus on your gratitude.

Connecting with your spirit’ your essence—and not your toxic girly thoughts allows you to feel grateful. So instead of:

Worrying about how your cookies will be judged, enjoy that you still want to put in all the work to make them. Be grateful for the gift of your loving spirit that creates these gifts of love.
Remembering all the horrible things your in-laws have said about you, listen for the positive things and appreciate them for these thoughts, even if they are few. Be grateful for how they can love, even if it is more limited than you and your husband would like.
Feeling fat from last years’ holiday season, let your weight make you grateful that you are able to make different decisions about your food this holiday season. Embrace your spirit of change.
Worrying about other women at parties—just be your dazzling self. Yes, free your spirit to enjoy yourself instead of judging yourself. You’ll be, and will be seen, as much more attractive by embracing who you are.

Feeling grateful yet? Good, remember not listening to your toxic ‘girly thoughts’ is a gift you can give yourself this holiday season, and all 2016.