His Affair—Your Fault?

She couldn’t satisfy her husband.

-Trump speaking about Hillary

By Patricia O’Gorman, PhD




A presidential hopeful challenges his possible rival about her sexual desirability and blames her for her husband’s affairs.

Is this message of a woman’s responsibility for something familiar to you? Do you stifle your infuriation because this sounds right?

Where’s your outrage?

Why You Don’t Feel Angry

You are marketed ongoing messages about your desirability. These messages suggests you should be measured by how you act and look . . . and you internalize these messages and then use to judge yourself and other women.

I’ve named this toxic internalization girly thoughts. Why name this internal trash talk so common to women? Because once you can name something, you have control over it.

Having a name means you can easily identify when you are doing something and can then stop yourself from listening, and acting upon, your toxic girly thoughts.

But this isn’t a free ride. There are consequences for not believing your toxic girly thoughts. You could be seen as brash, even unlikeable if you don’t “play the game,” or thought of as “yelling” when you clearly state your point of view, particularly when you disagree with the others around you.

Stop Listening to Your Toxic Girly Thoughts

Are you up for a challenge?

This can be a fun exercise, especially in this year of presidential campaigning.

  • Identify the toxic girly thoughts that campaigners are using to put women in general and women candidates in their place.
  • Share what you are hearing with your friends, family, and co-workers.
  • Call candidates out on statements that reinforce toxic girly thoughts, those messages that are negative and harmful to women.

No, you don’t have to write a letter, but it’s an option. You can use:

        • Twitter
        • Facebook
        • Other social media platforms

Yes, you’ll get blowback, you may even be trolled on Twitter, but so what? That’s a sure sign your comments are reaching others and they are hearing you say NO to toxic girly thoughts.

And please link me to any of your comments. We can follow each other on Twitter. I will retweet your outrage and share your thoughts on Facebook.

Now repeat after me: Yes, I will!

You’ll find more ideas for getting rid of your negative self-talk in my two latest books, The Girly Thoughts 10-Day Detox Plan: The Resilient Woman’s Guide to Saying NO to Negative Self-Talk and YES to Personal Power and The Resilient Woman: Mastering The 7 Steps to Personal Power.

Giving Up SEX for Lent

Patricia O’Gorman, PhD

I was in my local health food store when I saw a neighbor and we began chatting.  When asked what I was up to I told her of my recent blog on giving up a girly thought for lent—you remember the one where I suggested you give up one girly thought for lent, yes just one, even if you’re not observant, even if you’re not Christian, all with the understanding that you can return to this form of self-sabotage after Easter if you still want to do this to yourself (http://shar.es/1gX00k).

She began laughing and told me of a story of a younger cousin with a wicked sense of humor.  We’ll call her Colleen.  When she was asked what she was giving up for lent by her Episcopal priest, she said SEX.  He evidently turned pale and began shaking.  Colleen was only 14 and lived in boarding school in a rural part of Canada.  She was quickly isolated from the other girls, questioned repeatedly—they needed to know who the boy was—and then not believed when she said she was just kidding.  By the way, she has become a successful comedy writer – noted for her sense of humor and her timing.

No Kidding 

It’s still not too late for you. Just try stopping one of those girly thoughts that tell you:

  • You’re too smart
  • Too fat
  • Too aggressive, or
  • It’s all your fault that….

Think of it just like a science experiment you did in high school.  You do something and see what happens.  You can do this within yourself—stop thinking one girly thought  and see what happens when you make space in you by stopping one particular way you are distracting yourself, beating yourself up, keeping yourself down – yes stopping just one girly thought can make a big difference in how you feel about yourself, and how much energy you have to do what it is you’d like to accomplish.

Try it and let me know…

You’ll find more ideas for getting rid of your negative self-talk in my latest book, The Girly Thoughts 10-Day Detox Plan: The Resilient Woman’s Guide to Saying NO to Negative Self-Talk and YES to Personal Power